Robert Burns / Whisky / Japan

Some years ago the CEO of a whisky company was delighted to host a Robert Burns themed lunch for some representatives from one of Japan’s largest electronic companies at his head office in the Lowland whisky region of Scotland.

The delegates were in the UK to meet some of their distributors and one of those distributors had arranged a distillery tour for the Japanese on one of their spare days. As this trip was in January, the CEO of the whisky company therefore arranged a Rabbie Burns themed luncheon in the distillery boardroom. The CEO arrived for the occasion in full highland dress. The Japanese were treated to a lunchtime Burns’ “supper” with the CEO addressing the haggis and then delivering the “immortal memory”. The visitors said this lunch was the highlight of their trip.

Some weeks later, a letter of thanks arrived at the distillery for the CEO. In the letter, the CEO was invited over to Japan to deliver the “immortal memory” the following January to the entire board of the electronics firm; some 25 or so board members. The CEO checked his diary, and although just under a year away, he already had a couple of dates for speaking at Burns’ Nights, but he was able to fit in the trip to Japan just after the Bard’s birthday.

Fast forward a year and the CEO arrived at Tokyo airport in full highland (day) wear to be met by a stretched limousine and two of his hosts. The dinner was the following evening and the CEO spent the time in between being shown the sights and delights of the city and its surrounds.

Soon, it was time for the Burns’ Night celebration which was taking place in the boardroom of the electronics company with 25 eager Japanese businessmen sitting around the most magnificent antique mahogany table with ancient Japanese inlaid marquetry work. The table was valued then at well over  $400,000; quite a work of art.

The CEO was soon in full flight addressing the haggis and revelling in his attentive audience hanging on his every word, even though many of them didn’t know much of what he was saying. Our intrepid speaker was building to a crescendo and he drew his Sgian Dubh from his sock whilst preparing to pierce the haggis with the verve and flair he had exercised on many occasions before.

He raised the Sgian Dubh above his head and thrust it into the haggis. This was immediately followed by the sound of shattering crockery with the knife  stuck vertical in the table and not budging. In his enthusiasm, the CEO had smashed the antique platter the haggis was sitting on (he was used to a silver salver as a base for the haggis) and the knife had made its way some distance into the polished surface of the boardroom table and wasn’t for shifting.

Obviously, our CEO was hugely embarrassed and somewhat sheepish – his hosts were magnanimous and delivered a round of applause before he composed himself and finished the address.

I am told that there now sits a small engraved brass plaque on the table beside the gash that the Sgian Dubh made and the damage is a much admired talking point.

Of the antique crockery platter? No word.

So if you ever find yourself addressing the haggis; you may have to curb your enthusiasm.